Abuse! Abuse! Abuse!

Since I posted this to Fetlife thread, it’s worth keeping a copy here. Someone asked how they would know if the submissive partner was being “abused”. The normal hand wringing and new age silliness ran rampant for a little while and I finally responded.

Part 1 is here…

I was going to do some point by point replies, but frankly its not really important to do so. I can summarize fairly simply.

“Abuse” is a term that has no specific and useful fixed meaning across the board. Of late it has become fashionable to lower the bar on what is “abuse” to ridiculous points. There is a reason behind this, mostly related the the political power that amasses to victims and victim representation groups – but that isn’t really important to this thread either.

What is important is this simple reality – there is a HUGE distance between “I don’t like this, this isn’t working for me” and “I am being abused”. I know, I know. It involves taking a lot of personal responsibility and that isn’t popular but honestly, the gap is there.

If you don’t like the relationship in question – leave it. It’s really, really simple. You don;t have to console yourself with defining it as abuse… just leave.

I will comment on this one thing specifically however…

[Paraphrased quoted response: If they feel like it’s abuse, then it clearly is.]

This is flat out dangerous to me. The concept of abuse has legal ramifications – and leaving the declaration of a crime solely to the discretion of the supposed victim is simply crazy. It would be like allowing me to decide unilaterally that the guy at the gas station robbed me because “if I see it as theft, then theft it is”.

The concept of being abused must be more than just “I feel bad” or the term is useless.

Part two…

[Paraphrased quoted response: Soulhuntre, your initial response tell su that you simply don;t care how your partner feels and this you are an evil meanie.]

If someone in a relationship with me feels they are being abused I will happily discuss this perception with them. I will also make sure they know they are free to end the relationship. I have absolutely zero interest in spending time on someone who feels my attention is anything less than a privilege to be sought, not a abuse to be endured.

I care – I simply don’t grant them the sole power to determine the reality. Many people believe they are abused – it doesn’t make it so. Many people also believe they were abducted by aliens or that the CIA is watching them from their bathroom mirrors – it doesn’t make it so.

Therapy couches world over are littered with people who have manufactured in their own minds a victim status. Telling them that their simply feeling it makes it an uncontestable reality is one of the reasons for this.

Go read the whole thing and enjoy!

Minion Task 01: The Fiero Project

This one should involve only a little research and maybe a phone call.

The circumstances

I have a 1987 Fiero GT 6 cyl that is black / silver in my garage. The care is mine, and free & clear of all loans and claims. It has a temporary inspections ticker in the window, and that means that at the time I parked it there must have been a registration and title. The thing is, I haven’t even opened the garage in more than 10 years. I do not know where my title copy is, nor my registration. I did get a title in my name after my divorce, before I garaged it but I will need to do it again.

The car itself has 115,000 miles and 4 flat tires. It has a sunroof and ran fine when I put it away – but no preparation was done on it. The body and interior are in decent shape – no water damage or insects. It certainly wont start and the current engine condition is unknown.

Task 1

How do I go about establishing a clear title in NJ for this car so that I can sell it? What documentation do I need? What are the fees involved and can I do it by mail / we or do I need to physically go to a DMV?

Task 2

I need to establish a rough value for the vehicle. I would consider the condition good but it is certainly in need of mechanical restoration though I do not think it is doomed to be a parts car. Classifieds need to be checked for similar vehicles and a baseline price established. Also blue book value is worth checking.

You can respond in the comments to this thread as none of the information is confidential or you can collect your results into a more “report” style format and upload it via the Minion Tools.

Thanks for the help to anyone who decides to get involved!

Update: In response to a astute question the answer is no, it is not currently insured.

Dear Minion Cadre: 2010 is our year!

I want to take a moment and thank everyone who signed up to be part of the minion cadre. I know it seems like a fun (and funny) lark but you are an essential part of the big things happening in 2010 here. The whole plan is not yet for public eyes, but I will be posting a good overview here in the next few days.

At the moment, I am working hard on cleaning up the loose ends from 2009 and doing what I can to help those who supported me so much in 2009 move forward on their own lives. you know who you are! This is where the minion cadre can really shine. You can help with the legwork needed so I can move forward on my task list instantly when I have a moment.

If you decide to help, thank you and watch this space!

More Avatar thoughts…

A post I just made, including the text of the person I was replying to since it is open to the public.

“But I think now more and more that this is obviously intended, some stories must be told again and again that as many people as possible must understand.

With every tree that falls in the Rainforest for instance, we destroy a whole world of living we even haven’t fully explored yet, for reasons that are exactly the same as described in the movie. And that is here, among us, every day. And it’s acutely as never before.” – Jepe

Here’s the thing – not everyone who disagrees with these concepts is an idiot and speaking slowly and loudly (as Cameron does here) isn’t helping. They don’t not hear the point they disagree with it. That means the message needs to actually contain more information (reasons) not fewer. It needs to get more sophisticated, not more three stooges.

It would also be nice if there were actual reasons behind this message, not just woo and wishful thinking. For instance Cameron clearly has a believe that simple "native" people live in harmony with "nature" when all the evidence we have is that natives often are limited only by their technology in how much they pillage the world around them. Native tribes have been known to set entire sections of forests on fire to flush game, drive whole herd (many more than they can eat) off cliffs to get meat and so on. This whole "technology bad, tree pretty" thing Cameron is pushing has no basis in the real world.

On the topic of the "eco warrior" stuff Avatar is a cop out. The reality is that the Navi live in a world where the trees are not only alive but borderline telepathic and somehow store they souls of the departed.  That’s a long way from "we need to respect every tree on earth because – well, well – just because!".

You find a telepathic tree that lets you communicate with the dead and I promise you, you won’t have any trouble keeping folks from cutting it down.

That’s probably just me though :)

Calling all helper mice – err – Minions

A little while ago my friend Tori put up some posts on her blog discussing the concept of “Helper Mice”. Well worth reading, and good stuff. It got me thinking…

One of my goals in 2010 is to pursue projects much more to my interests these days. More creative, more vibrant and more expressive. There will be some cool / weird stuff happening. However, even with my pending retirement from freelance software development there is simply a lot that sucks away my time. The sad thing is that frankly much of it does not need to be done by me. It can be done by other folks who are competent and interested in helping.

In other words… helper mice. Or as we like to call them around these parts – minions.

Anyway, lots more on the topic to come but for now go ahead and read all about the Minion Cadre and sign up for the Minion Times if you are so inclined.

Enjoy your holiday season and I’ll hit you on the other side of the New Year!

Updated x2: James f_king Cameron :)

Important note: Ok, OK. I’m probably an idiot. It is more and more clear that this @JFCameron account isn’t the esteemed James Cameron at all – but an impostor. If I wasn’t so interested in the sheer silliness of the comments in question I would have thought of that right off.

I am going to leave the post up here anyway because even though it almost certainly isn’t Mr. Cameron the simple reality is that the opinions expressed still closely match those in evidence from the script for Avatar. The movie is so completely anti capitalism and post industrial humanity that my rebuttal is still valid.

On the off chance James reads this blog, I am more than open to a discussion on these topics. Call me: 406-SHUNTRE!

 

Let’s be really clear form the outset – James Cameron is without a doubt one of the best directors of our time not to mention a fantastic writer and producer. The Abyss was simply brilliant, True Lies was touching and funny, Aliens kicked ass,  Strange Days is a fantastic cyberpunk film that in many ways rivals Blade Runner and the list goes on and on. He has time and time again redefined what is possible in cinema and pushed the industry and technology onward.

As a human being, there is no indication that James is anything but a honest, hard working guy. You never hear about him getting drunk and slapping hookers around. He is never involved in a  scandal with some underage groupie and he has not, to my knowledge, run over a paparazzi with a car. He seems to be a genuinely nice, talented man.

Got it? I like James Cameron.

That fondness is why I find Avatar all the more a source of concern. I know Cameron has poured his heart and soul into it – and I know he really believes in what the movie says politically. Unfortunately the message, and the biases that drive it, are simply wrong. Just tonight I took the time to track down Cameron on twitter and ask him about it. To be fair, my tweet wasn’t especially subtle – but 140 characters doesn’t encourage subtlety.

“Dear @JFCameron – I love yoru work and skills, but did @avatar_movie need to be such a horribly preachy story? Seriously?” – @Soulhuntre

To his credit and my surprise he responded which is awesome and terrifying. It’s is awesome because it’s James f_cking Cameron and terrifying because I have a glimmer of a dream to get a story into the Hollywood system before I die and now that he has seen me he could crush me lug a bug with the most casual of comments.

*gulp*

Anyway, his responses were as such…

12-15-2009 1-35-46 AM

Or, in text form…

JFCameron @soulhuntre Avatar is not preachy; the film’s message of environmental stewardship must be told. Industrialization is the root of decline.” – @JFCameron

JFCameron @soulhuntre The ostensible "conservative" movement opposed to this is a loose collective of malicious racists who need to be stopped.” – @JFCameron

… um, yeah.

For completeness, here is the last bit of the exchange…

“@JFCameron Oh, I see, your blinded by your own bigotry. Thats too bad. Still, you made some great films.” – @Soulhuntre

“wow , @JFCameron really believes this "Industrialization is the root of decline" – funny for a guy only has a job due to high tech” – @Soulhuntre

I know. Your saying to yourself “wow Soul! You really know how to kiss the ass of a titan who can crush you like a bug with the most casual of comments!” and you would be right… tact is my special gift :)

To some degree that is the point of this post – to take this discussion out of the 140 character range and put a little more nuance on it. The thing is – Cameron is obviously a smart guy so how is it he can be so wrong on this issue? Personally I think it is the bias of the Hollywood scene he is surrounded by. It must be impossible to work for decades in a town that actively despises the political and economic system that gives them the resources and freedom to do what they do and not be tainted by it.

I have no doubt that Cameron really believes the central pillars of his comments… that “industrialization” is bad and that anyone who opposes his view of “environmental stewardship” is a “malicious racist”. That neither of these views can be supported by facts or logic isn’t really the issue – it is an ideology and we know that ideology can make otherwise very smart people buy into some seriously bad ideas.

Taking the environmental issue first: we need look no further than the scientists who destroyed all they stood for professionally to manipulate evidence, falsify data and invent unsupportable conclusions to see how powerfully this sort of environmentalist ideology can drive people. When this religion (and it is, effectively, a religion at this point) can bring entire teams of scientists to subvert their careers and ethics – surely it is not too far afield to imagine it has had a huge influence on the script for a fantasy movie.

I say “his view” of stewardship because as one of those people who clearly thinks is a racist (and malicious at that!) I have very specific ideas of how to manage the environment. The difference is that I want to manage it as a resource for our use – and it seems like James wants primarily to marginalize humanity out of global dominance. For instance I am all for the use of fossil fuels while we transition to renewable energy (I favor satellite based solar and ground based fission till fusion is ready) and I
am pretty sure that James is morally opposed to expanding our drilling and mining. I might be wrong – if I am, please, let me know.

My point is that this is not an issue of one side wanting to be good stewards and the other side not planning for the future at all – this is primarily a difference of priorities and methods.

The other assertion about “industrialization” fares worse. Cameron has an idealized view of not only nature itself but the “native cultures” who used to be the predominate human social organization. Industrialization has brought a wave of freedom, leisure, learning and health to the human population that is staggering in it’s scope. It is industrialization that has freed humans from spending most of every waking hour simply fighting to eke out a living from the ground and not get eaten by a predator in the process. It is industrialization that allows is to have a reasonable expectation that our children will not starve to death or die from the myriad diseases all around us.

A world without industrialization is a world without democracy, security and food. It is a miserable, cold and dark place where the ear splitting howls of the predators in the woods turn the night into endless hours of fear. There is nothing good about that world and all the romantization about being “one with Gaia” changes this reality not one bit. There is no Gaia and nature will rip you to shreds the instant you turn your back on it.

We have neither claws or armor. We are slower than most of those things that would cheerfully eat us and compared to them we are almost entirely blind and deaf. Technology is humanities only weapon and make no mistake, the practical application of technology is industry. Thus, industry is the only think that has allowed us to survive and thrive in a universe that cares not one bit whether we or our children live or die.

Industrialization is not the root of decline – it is the latter that elevates us.

In so doing only industrialization has provided us the luxury of the sort of ethics, morals and indeed moralizing that James Cameron is indulging in with his movie.

The bigotry and close mindedness of the “racist” accusation is beyond my ability to excuse or explain. I will simply point out how crudely this card is being played these days. I will simply suggest that Cameron might want to widen his input streams. It was conservatives who fought to end slavery and provide equality – not “liberals”. Then again, this is a common problem on the left. Hell, even Harry Reid is ignorant of the reality or simply doesn’t care in his glee to toss aroudn the word “racist”.

You’re smarter than this James, you really are.

p.s. please don’t crush me, kaithanx

Two feet, no waiting…

This is the (redacted) text of an email I sent to the folks I take consulting work for at Robert Half Technologies. I really, really like RHT and anyone who is a developer or media (Design, video whatever) type should hook up with them. Anyway, this is what I let them know about the new me.

Hey Guys,

I wanted to inform you of a change in my status. As of Dec 1 I am no longer accepting development assignments. I will continue my work with _________ as a “grandfather” client, but moving forward code is no longer my primary work product. A little more information can be found on my personal blog ( http://bit.ly/64SuzC ) .

I remain in the consulting market, but I am moving my focus to the following areas.

  • Social network integration / marketing
  • Project Management
  • Software Architecture
  • Technology evaluation (choosing the right tools)
  • User Experience design / evaluation
  • Multimedia
  • Search Engine Optimization

My baseline rate remains at $___ an hour, though I understand I will need to be flexible on this as I establish a reputation in these areas. I also understand that more client face time is required for these types of jobs. I am still not available for full time on site, but frequent trips to NYC and DC for meetings is acceptable and I am open to travel both within and without the continental US.

I will be shooting out an updated resume, and am building a new site as a touch point for my efforts in this area. Currently I am transitioning my current independent clients to this arrangement as I build their development teams. Robert Half / Creative Group is the only agency I will be considering work from at this time outside of my own clients.

That all said, money is money and I will entertain work in the software development area I have the best reputation in – high stress, short delivery salvation of projects that are in trouble. For this work, My rate in 2010 will be at a baseline at $___ an hour, higher with significant on-site. I understand that this prices me out of that market for 99.999% of the work – but that’s OK :)

Thank you both for all your assistance in 2009 and I hope we all have a great holiday season.

Ken ________

cell: 406-SHUNTRE

Oh look, that bridge is kind of smoldering!

Well, that about wraps it up for god.

It happened this morning, which is odd – but everything happens sometime. In this case, it was at precisely 08:05am – and I have the chat log to prove it! A client asked a completely straightforward question – one they have every right to ask and every reason to  expect an answer for. The question? “When will it be ready?”

Something clicked in my head and it became clear to me I’m done with freelance software development.

The problem

Now I am not going to get all woe is me here. My clients have been fantastic to work with. I am very picky about the and and every single person I deal with regularly is someone I have a relationship with stretching back years and years. They have been incredibly tolerant of my demands as well. What demands? That I work from home, don’t interface with their clients (I subcontract almost exclusively) and I choose my own technology and environments.

In short? I am a prima donna.

The options

I have made a big pile of money doing this for a living and I love software development. Developing software is not, essentially the problem. The problem is selling my hours, which is what freelancing is. The thing about selling hours is, I only have a max of 24 of them every day. In order to make more money then as a freelancer my options are…

  1. Work More - Since I already work about 18 hours a day 6 days a week on average I am not willing to give up the last little bit.
  2. Charge More – I could do it. Frankly I am only charging now about 60% of what I could get in NYC at one of the larger multimedia firms. In order to do that though I would need to take on even more project management and client interfacing, not to mention show up on-site and frankly I have no interest in it.
  3. Stop doing it – Stop freelancing, stop charging per hour and stop building things on a “work for hire” basis that I don’t own when its done.

That about covers it :)

And you picked?

To be honest, option 3 has always been in the cards. I have been working hard planning a number of strategies that get me out of this freelancing thing. I have been planning that for more than 15 years or so… I just have always priorities my current client projects over the other projects because once you take someone’s money and make a promise you make it your top priority till you deliver. Anything else would be unethical. Except if your good at it, and I am, then there is always another project line up and you can go on from project to project thinking every time that after the next one you will take a break.

So far, it hasn’t happened.

Why now?

Let’s start a list…

  1. Life is short. If the recent loss of Flagg has shown us anything, it is this.
  2. I have a scheduled mid-life crisis coming up, and I can’t afford a toupee on what freelancing pays me.
  3. There’s no reason for Hef to have all the fun.
  4. I would like to spend more time with my girls, and take vacations and days off.
  5. Hey, laser sharks don’t build themselves you know.
  6. I have bigger fish to fry.
  7. It’s starting to not be fun anymore.

Finally, in the words of the great (albeit fictional) William Stranix played by the awesome Tommy Lee Jones…

I got tired of coming up with last-minute desperate solutions to impossible problems created by other fucking people.” – William Stranix in Under Siege

What kind of work will you still take on for clients?

As of now, I am no longer taking on any new freelancing contracts. I will be devoting all my energy, attention and talent into finishing up the projects that are in the pipeline until I have fulfilled all my contractual obligations. I expect to be done with all of it by February 1, 2010.

If you are a client with a current contract do not worry, your work will get done :)

After that date I will still be available to my existing clients for various services, I will simply not be taking on “large” software development. This leaves me with the ability to consult in other areas that interest me…

  • Social networking / marketing
  • Software architecture
  • User Experience design and consultation
  • Cloud computing integration into business processes
  • Project management for out-sourced development

I intend to do those things as needed to help myself and my clients prosper – but to put less than 25% of my work energy into those areas.

And the rest of your time?

I have a number of projects in the works. We will discuss them when I am ready :)

2012 and Twilight: New Moon

Kimiko came back to NJ yesterday. After picking her up at the airport we decided to celebrate with a movie. Since we both enjoy seeing things blow up in CGI we figured 2012 would be a fun little film.

We were wrong.

Yeah, things blow up. An aircraft carrier rolls over the White House etc. The special effects look great but they entirely fail to engage you as a viewer simply because the movie, well, sucks. Cusack is always fun to watch (despite his rather idiotic personal politics) and a few other performances are ok. Overall the film is about an hour too long (at 2 hours, 38 minutes) and is entirely predictable.

If you’ve seen the Poseidon adventure, even the new one, then you saw 2012.

edmiser

When it was over around 22:30 we were on our way out and changed our minds and snuck into Twilight: New Moon. We had missed the first 45 minutes so it was perfect. Kimiko assured me most of the whining was over (she was partially right) and that some wolf fight scenes were coming up. Let me sum new moon up with a good points / bad points bullet list.

Good

  • The directing – loads better than the first one which had the directorial skill of a hamster with a iPhone duct taped to it
  • The acting – may be related to the directing
  • The writing – you will see why later
  • The special effects – not perfect, but tolerable
  • Kristen Stewart – in this movie for almost minutes at a time she was pretty. Once or twice even kinda hot. This is a massive improvement because most of the time she looks barely conscious and utterly forgettable. To be fair, that is probably her stylists idea or she may have a contractual obligation to look pale and strung out all the time – onscreen and off.
  • Taylor Lautner – who was not only super buff and oddly pretty about it but almost every moment his character Jacob was on screen the ridiculous Edward was nowhere to be seen

Bad

  • Edward Cullen – simply one of the most idiotic characters ever written, let alone put on film
  • Bella Swan – as idiotic as Edward, but marginally more interesting because she is occasionally easier on the eyes

In Edward and Bella we have the least likable couple since cancer and ebola. She is a self absorbed miserable little drama queen who as far as I can tell lacks even the compensation of handing out hand jobs to salvage her self esteem and he is the sort of angsty teen only a few hundred years of writing self absorbed poetry can produce.

I think this movie works as well as it does almost exclusively because for most of it they are simply not close enough to each other for their wonder twin powers to activate.

Side note: Guys, you already know this but the film is an estrogen factory. You can hear the female audience members glue themselves to the upholstery. It’s pretty amusing.

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